This is about to get real.

I mean real whiny.  I think it's important that you know about my faults as well as my mad cooking skills and whacky mind. I don't know why I think you should know all these things about me but apparently I just can't keep any thing to myself.

Any way to begin you must know how much I LOVE Christmas. I love it so do both my sisters and my mom we are very very into Christmas. Real trees we force our husbands to cut down with hand saws, garland, cookies, carols everything. Now my mom and my sisters live quite far away and my husband does not love Christmas the way I do so I feel the need to share with you how now is the perfect time to begin listening to Christmas music. I have been working on Christmas for months now and as soon as Halloween is over I feel it's appropriate to start the Holiday season, Thanksgiving, is after all a celebration of thanks and the birth of Christ makes me very thankful.

Second thing you must know (in order to understand what lead to my very big mishap today) is that I have had about zero luck in getting my husband good gifts. The year we were engaged (keep in mind I was a poor college student) I bought him a very nice Starbucks set only to have him tell me one afternoon that he had given up drinking coffee, so I took it back (FYI his not drinking coffee lasted like a week). So then I bought him a very expensive bottle of cologne thinking that was romantic and he likes cologne. Guess what his mother gave him that year? Oh yea, an even bigger bottle of expensive cologne (sort of a weird thing for her to get him I still think). One year he lost his favorite hat, you know the kind, super disgusting and falling apart, so I bought him a nice new one, I even pre-shaped the bill. Guess what my mother gave him that year? His old hat she had found it and wrapped it up; he didn't even give my hat a second look. This year he turned thirty so I planned for him a surprise party which he specifically told me not too. However, he is a huge jokester so I figured it was about time, plus I got the youth group involved and bought him a (wait for it) Ipad so he wouldn't be able to stay mad at me. Guess who called him on the phone to ask him what time his birthday party was? Oh yea, his mother (I need to say right here that while I was super mad about that she really isn't as horrible as this is making her seem). So when he confronts me about the party he says, "Well I better be getting an Ipad!" I wilted right then and there.

So now you have my very whiny poor me back ground. This year because I am only slightly more well off then when I was in college I began buying gifts towards the end of last month. The very first thing I ordered for him was a Hoodie Buddy. I found one for a really good deal and ordered it. He came home this week and says to me "So I went to the store and bought a Hoodie Buddy." Oh I was so mad, if we hadn't had company he really would have gotten it. Who buys themselves something like that in November with Christmas coming?!

And that brings us to today. There is a rule in our house my bedroom is a toy-free zone. No children are allowed in there unless they ask and if they are in my room it's to watch a movie there is no wrestling on my bed etc. This may sound cruel but our house is small and I need one space where I don't have to worry about stepping on a lego etc.  Also my house is very small (our closets are the size of trash cans) so I have been hiding Christmas presents under my bed. Hunter and Maddie were in my room watching OSO when they come walking into the living room holding Hunter's main gift. At this point things get a little fuzzy, but what I do remember is a little embarrassing. I grabbed the box out of his hand and bellowed "DON'T EVER EVER EVER GO UNDER MY BED AGAIN!!!!!" Maddie's eyes became the size of dinner plates and Hunter went running into his room crying, which for a second just made me more irritated (mom please don't feel too bad for him because that will just irritate me too). Now I yell it's not like I don't, and I get mad but I usually just go in my room and stomp around or hide in the bathroom for a few minutes.  This was something entirely different. I know, believe me I know, how ridiculous this all sounds it's just that it was the tipping point.

This was suppose to be the year my parents sisters come here but dear Courtney just had a baby. I totally get that, I have traveled with all age of babies and it's hard not to mention the fact I totally understand wanting to have that first Christmas morning with your children at your own home. It was Brian's idea that we tell them to stay in MD this year. But still I miss them, the season is well, missing something when they're not here to have coffee with and plan with and laugh with. Now I'll fly out there with two kids by myself (which scares me to death) and we'll go out there and have a big celebration but I know they're going to all get together on Christmas and exchange gifts and eat a big meal with out us. And Brian can't go this year so it's just me making the trip. Brian doesn't always get it (most men don't). I guess what I had been pumping myself up about was the fact that the boys are older now. This was the most fun Halloween I'd had in ages and I'm pretty sure Christmas is going to be even better. We don't have tons of extra cash with tuition costs this year so I've been really making a conscious effort to make each gift count and I was so excited to finally get something for Brian that he would really like and be surprised (I mean he knows he's getting slippers and coffee). When I saw Hunter standing there with that stupid Jessie doll I just lost it. And now all I can see is his excited expression holding that stupid doll just before I screamed at him; oh dear I feel awful!!

I feel like just canceling the whole damn thing. And I know that carols will be sung, way to many cookies consumed, gifts wrapped, stockings stuffed, friends for dinner. I know that the glow will come back, but right now all I feel is disappointment and guilt and that's not how Jesus birthday is suppose to feel. Oh well I'm sorry to put you through this, thanks for listening.

I'm signing off,
Bah Humbug in Battle Creek.