It got me thinking about past me. If past me had known the actual details of my present daily life. Had known the kind of hard I'm talking about I think she would have opted out of motherhood completely. Please understand I'm not saying I wish I had opted out. What I'm saying is knowing past me the way I do and knowing the struggles she dealt with if she had known about the late nights, the daily grind, the never ever ever getting to take a shower or go to the bathroom by herself, she would have chosen not to have children. That scares me a little to think how close I came to not being a mom. I am so thankful that past me did not know all of the tiring little details of being a parent. She was scared enough as it was and she would have let her fear and her poor self-esteem frighten her out of having kids. You see becoming a mother has brought out the best and worst in me. It's strange that you can be so good and so bad. Sometimes I dream about having the house to myself. My kids make me mad. Seriously I had no idea what kind of temper I had until I had kids. Perfect moms do not yell at their children, they are firm but always loving and never ever loose their tempers. I totally loose my temper. I really hope that my kids don't need therapy as adults because of it. How can a three year old be so maddening?
Thank goodness I didn't know about my temper before I had kids. I would have decided I wasn't mother material, that I wasn't patient enough, or loving enough, or good enough to be a mom. I would have been right I'm totally NOT good enough. However, with God's continual strength, mercy and forgiveness (oh baby, how my kids make me need his forgiveness) I think I'll do. I am so glad I am a mom even though it completely sucks sometimes (it really does sorry) because sometimes it is completely awesome! Sometimes when my three year old says "Mom I luf you." it makes everything else melt away (even if in the next breath he fake burps in my face). When my six year old compliments my dress and says "Nice heels!" I am so humbled and grateful that I am a mom and so very very relieved that the past me didn't know what present me knows.
I think we tend to completely focus on the good or bad of parenthood. We become grandparents and all we remember is the roses. You know what ladies I am never going to miss having to take half a shower because my son has to poop, I'm just not going to miss that. However, I'm pretty sure I am going to miss the fact that he always wants to be in my lap (even though sometimes I want a little space). Oh parenthood you are a bizarre and strange mistress!
|Brian and I fight over who HAS to sit by Conster because|
when you sit in a booth with him he sits pressed up against you gooey fingers
and all. I'm pretty sure that IS one of the things I'll miss someday.
p.s. Don't forget to comment on the previous post for a chance to be entered in the giveaway and if you go and "like" Amelia Rhodes face book page I'll enter your name a second time!