How stubborn can a baby be?

8-25-07
It is amazing to me how stubborn a little baby can be? I think we must have pulled him off the television a million times, we even slapped his "patties" and then he would yell at us and right back to it he would go, amazing. And why does he love the things he shouldn't have. For instance in the kitchen I have moved all dangerous and breakable things off of the lower shelves and replaced them with cook books that he can pull down and look at (wet his appetite to be a connesure of fine foods) tupperware, spatulas and plastic cups all things that he can play with and bang on and roll around. And he likes them all right but they don't hold a candle to the amazement that is the dog's bowl of food and water. What wonders those containers hold how incredible it is to splash in the drooly yucky water and is there a food that tastes better then those round dry dog bites of glory? I would contest that there isn't at least not to an almost one year old. I've taken to keeping the baby gate cornered over the dogs food (which annoys the dog when hours later I've forgotten to remove it).

Even outside where there are new and dirty things every where the first thing he crawls to is the dog's outside dish of water, the one with floating dead bugs in it. Don't get me wrong he loves sticking leaves in his mouth and can always find the path with the least amount of grass and the most dirt, but he's always making his way to the water dish. And yet when I put him in his sand box, he just looks at me like I'm crazy, "Hey mom why am I sitting in a box of dirt?". He does like to swing though, we have this outside baby swing rigged up to the clothes line (at least we're using the clothes line for something) and I'll push him and make up rhyms and tickle his feet while I also throw the slimy frisbee to the dog. It really is multi tasking at it's best.

It's fun though, He's so cute even when he's naughty I sometimes have a hard time not laughing at him.

Ranger, Hunter, and I

8-23-07
Sorry it's been so long, it's like I don't have time to even take a breath!! Summer's are always busy for Brian and I and now they're even crazier.

A lot of things have been happening. Hunter is pulling himself up on things and taking very tottery steps around things. It's a little scary because he is always doing face dives into the floor. I hate it, but I know he has to practice to learn and go further he is getting better at it, he can get back down on the floor if he's careful and I've been trying to teach him to sit on his butt, not crash into his face. Every time he falls even if it's not bad he cries because it scares him and my first reaction is to gasp, which I'm sure doesn't help at all. So now it takes all my power to say "oopsie" and clap not jump up all frantic.

He's also discovered the wonders of screaming, not crying just all out screeches and man are they loud. He does it when he's excited and he does it when he's frustrated (which when you consider his lack of communication and all the things he's trying to do but can't is practically every other second) and of course when he's mad at me because I won't let him do something or grab something etc. Brian put it best when he said "I know we have to teach him no, but it so much easier just to give him what he wants" you may think that sounds weak but it's true and at the time we were both gulping pain killers because our heads were throbbing and I was seriously looking for some ear plugs. He has four teeth now (Hunter not Brian), two of which are just coming in. As you can see things are changing.

Most of the day it's me Hunter and the dog, one of them is usually whining at me, until I can't stand it any more and the dog has to go out (poor thing life is certainly not fair for him). But today something really funny happened. You have to know something about Ranger for this story to be amusing and that is he's a whiner but he's never really howled before. We were all sitting on the kitchen floor, Hunter crawling over my legs like they're giant cliffs to be scaled (they are chubby but come on) and I had a plastic ice cream cup and was talking and singing into it, because Hunter thinks it funny and will make his own noises when I hold it to his face. Ranger was sitting beside me begging to go outside when I started copying his whines into the cup (which drove him crazy) I kept doing it until I suddenly realized that Ranger has switched from whining at me to actually howling. He had his head thrown back and his lips in an o, it was so funny and cute, and Hunter was just starring at him like he'd lost his mind.

I think Ranger was feeling so left out that my making fun on him sent him over the edge and he began crying out into the wilderness of our subdivision for compassion.

I Am Not Pregnant!

1-2-07
In my pre-pregnancy life my body was very very regular. I mean I started my period the day I turned twelve and never missed a month, never came a day late or a day early so you can see how if I missed one completely I would know somethings up. About a month and a half ago I became fertile again. Well at that time I was still nursing, but soon after Hunter weened himself so now I can go back on the pill. When you start birth control you're suppose to take it the sunday after you start your period. So we go on vacation I can't start the pill yet and well we never did find a form of birth control that worked for us and you can't be completely relaxed on vacation with out a little lovin.

So now it's been well past a month since my last period and I'm thinking "holy crap I can't believe I'm pregnant!!" how ironic, unfair, scary. I was in shock and just freaking out there were so many reasons why this was bad but then I made myself sit down and think of some things that could be good about it. I would get all the baby stuff over at once, I mean it would be nice to get everything done with at once the night feedings the diapers the clutter, it would be nice to be able to purge everything at once, to know that they're ready for new things and trips and experiences at once. Heck we're already tired lets just keep it going for another year or so. There would be no waiting for the younger one to be "old enough". I've already started changing into a healthier life style so I would get done with the pregnancy already programed to loose the weight. I wouldn't have that "I lost all this weight and now I want another baby" dilemma.

And of course it would solve Brian and I's problem of never wanting to make a big decision. "Should we have another baby or not?" there you go decision made. Brian could get a vasectomy and we never have to worry about birth control again.

So I buy a test nervously take it, and wait. The last time I took a test (for Hunter) it came back in an instant. So imagine my surprise when nothing happens. I think weird I'm 99.9% sure I'm pregnant but we'll see it come up in three minutes. And nothing just a big negative sign.

It took me by such surprise and I've been living the last week "knowing" I was pregnant that my first response was disappointment. Then utter relief and peace washed over me. To celebrate we had brownie sundaes for dinner.

salad

5-29-07
Hey I know I promised more on Disney world with pictures and everything, but I've been gardening and haven't gotten the pictures developed yet. I promise they're on the way.

So I've been trying to get healthier I figured instead of complaining and worrying about my weight I should get off my fat duff and do something about it (both figuratively and literally). I'd already started walking and when I was in Florida my dad and I ran two miles (well slowly jogged would be a better term). I couldn't believe it, I mean it was so encouraging I thought for sure that was well beyond me. So now I get up four to five times a week, when Brian is still home and it's cool outside and go for a jog. I'm still walking with Beki, and I started gardening (which burn about as many calories as a brisk walk so get outside and pull some weeds).

I've always loved exercising and getting that back into my life is easier then going super strict with the food, because as I've gushed so many times before I do love my food. I'm watching that too though; at lean cuisines website you can set up an account and enter your food and exercise and they keep track of carbs cals fat, etc. and how many calories you burned (which is always fun to see). This has helped me stay on top of what I'm eating, and since it's like a game I have an easier time being good through out the day. They also told me how many calories I should take in a day to loose weight in a healthy manner. It seems like now I can eat more it's just healthier food, what a load off my mind not to be freaking out every time I open the fridge. Also it requires no counting on my part they do all the math.

A friend also turned me onto this web-site called hungry-girl.com. It's a really neat website with info and cool recipes that mimic things you crave (like pie and restaurant food) It's also fun looking. It gave me an idea for a low fat/carb cookies and cream pie (which was very yummy by the way).

I totally sound like a commercial: "since I joined blog diet I've lost half a pound and can tie my own shoes, I couldn't be happier!!" There is one thing that really buggs me about diet experts (well probably way more then one, but I'm trying to be a positive person so one it is). They always say to eat salad but to leave off the dressing!! Yuck!!! Who eats salad with no dressing? The dressing is the only thing that makes the salad worth eating at all. If you leave off the dressing you may as well take a bag of crutons into the back yard pour them on the ground and start grazing!!! Not to mention the fact that they've actually done studies and the fat in dressing helps your body absorb the nutrients from the lettuce (that is not a lie I read it in that "what to expect when your expecting" book). Well that is my rant for today, if you like to eat your salad with no dressing please leave me a comment I would love to hear from you and if your like me pour on the "nature valley", and
"Newmans own" and enjoy a cool summer lunch.

It's been too long

5-26-07
I'm sorry it's been so long, way way too long. In my defense we were getting ready for a vacation which included sewing some clothes, and of course who wants to come home to a dirty house so I had to clean (which seems ridiculous since when we came home it was like instant mess.

So in the time we've been away Hunter has changed so much! I can't believe it, I mean I feel like I can't even blink. He's gone from barely rolling over to rolling all over the room from lifting his head up to skooching. I put him on the floor in the kitchen and barely a minute later I looked down and he was laying next to my foot smiling at me. It was so cute.

And did I tell you he weened himself? It's funny because a few months ago I was like I've had it, I'm done with this. And then we cut back to only nursing twice a day so it wasn't such a big deal. Then one day he pushed me away, I tried again and he pushed me away again. I was so surprised that I cried, I think I said through tears "I thought I was ready but I guess I wasn't" It makes me smile now and I know with all the stuff we have going on it will be so much easier.

On vacation Hunter started saying "na na na na" which brings his vocab up to da, na, hey, hi, and ok. But I was a little miffed that he said nanny before "ma" I mean I'm the one that does all the hard work. It was worth it to see my mom's face light up, and he's smart I mean I don't know that he gets the concept that Na is my mom but he knows that if he calls it out when he's upset she'll come get him.

So any way yesterday he started saying "ma" I was so excited. I didn't know I could get excited about anything like that. We squealed and clapped and then danced to the YMCA.

Mrs. Cleaver

4-16-07
My mom was here visiting last week, which was really nice. However, when she leaves Hunter is always a little fussy for a day or two, he doesn't understand why I can't carry him around 24/7, or why he should have to nap in his crib things like that, but to make it worse this time he caught a cold at the same time she left. I'm talking the entire thing runny nose achy body, so he's having a hard time sleeping at night and is generally fussing if not screaming the entire day.

Friday night was horrible he was up every half hour, then Saturday he screamed all day long, finally I went and found some infant cold medicine so he slept better. Sunday I have to stay home with him because of course it's Brian's job to be at church (lucky bastard) he's late coming home from both Sunday morning service and youth group. I tell ya, I was so tired I haven't slept so hard in months (beside of course the couple times I had to get up with the boy in the night). When Brian came in to wake me up so he could get ready for work I wanted to punch him in the face. As soon as he hands the baby off Hunter starts crying; ahhhhh!! (that's my frustrations not the baby his would be followed by several more explanation marks.)

He's sleeping right now, and I feel so frustrated and angry not with my son or husband but with myself. I mean in my mind I've always wanted to be the mother and wife from It's a Wonderful Wife. Supportive no matter what, kind, gentle but firm, resourceful, beautiful and thin even after like four or five children. And here my child is sick can't tell me what's wrong and I just feel like crawling back under the covers with my fingers stuffed in my ears. I feel so sad for my son, and worried too, but mostly my head is pounding from the screaming and I can't think straight through all the noise. How horrible is that? I wake up with this feeling of dread because I don't know how much more I can take. I want to scoop Hunter up in my arms snuggle with him and tell him it's going to be all right but he just pushes me away and looks at me with that pathetic face before he launches into his next crying fit.

I can tell you one thing though, I'd like to slap the person that said "Breast fed babies don't get sick" (to be read with a sickening sweet voice). Mine does and maybe it would be worse if he wasn't but good lord you shouldn't lure people into this idea that a sick unhappy screaming baby and a whiny dog weren't going to part of being a mother. And that is part of it isn't it, being a mother I just wish I could handle it with more grace. It tears me up inside knowing that he doesn't feel good, and in my head I know it won't last forever but one hour of screaming feels like an entire normal day. He's such a sweet beautiful baby I just feel like he deserves so much more then I've been able to offer him.

My Husband

3-26-07
My poor husband, last night I came down with the flu which means that not only was he awoken four times through out the night but that today he was in charge of the baby, and me. He is such a good man, when I watch him with our son I just can't believe how lucky I am.

About a month ago in church Brian was in charge of prayer time and he asked the congregation to shout out something that they were thankful for (which didn't go as well as planned), and as loud as he could as if he was holding Hunter up for the world to see he yelled "My Son!" he looked so proud full of pure joy. I hope I remember that all of my life the way he beamed. At that moment I knew that I couldn't be richer if I had all of the money in the world.

That will probably be one of those moments. It seems like I've been having those lately, yesterday was so warm and I don't mean spring-is-finally-here-warm I mean middle of summer warm. In the evening we took Hunter out into the back yard and he and I lay on a blanket staring up at the blue sky (which I swear is not near as blue as my son's eyes) babbling to each other Brian and the dog playing catch. It's weird realizing that that was my son's first real moments outside, not all covered up being whisked from home to car. All the other places Brian and I have lived have seemed like a stop along the way, but yesterday the four of us in our back yard, it just felt like home, and like our entire lives are in front of us. Perfect; a perfect moment. And then today just a little while ago I was doing the supper dishes in my tiny little kitchen with all the windows open the evening sun drifting into the room. My baby cooing at my husband in the other room. When one of those just-before-the-storm breezes blew threw my perfect little window, and then it started raining huge summer drops of water. I took in that wonderful rain-on-hot-pavement smell, and man life is good!

I wondered right there if this was one of those times that I'll always remember, how many of these will I remember? I suppose that's why you write things down and why you thank God no matter what, because his blessings are good even when they're not constant.