One Time the FBI Came to My House.

And, as I've mentioned before, I was gone!! In case you didn't know this about me I love spy stuff. ALIAS was one of the best shows ever. I wish my best friend could marry the fictional character Chuck, and I've been watching James Bond films since before I should have been watching James Bond films (funny James Bond joke: The man who wrote the original James Bond films died over the weekend. His family was shaken not stirred.) I'm pretty sure when I'm old and suffering from Alzheimer's I will really believe that I had been a spy in my younger days.

So when Brian called to tell me that the FBI had come to the house I was completely excited!

 "Why?" I squealed, "What were they wearing? Did they smile? Did they come in the house? Do you suddenly have memory loss you can't explain?"

Turns out they were asking questions about some neighbors of ours.

I start guessing which neighbors, "The one's that have a "garden" in their backyard?"

"No."

"The ones who are really secretive and shifty?"

"No." And no no no to all my other guesses.

Finally he just tells me "The blond young couple across the street."

This surprises me because I've been meaning to introduce myself to them for a while. A long while. Such a long while that now I can't introduce myself because it will probably seem weird since it's been two years. What could they be into I wonder. I instruct everyone not to tell my Grammy because she'll worry.

A few months pass by and my husband and I try not to be nosey but it's hard they live right across the street! We see them come and go. We trade theories and ideas as to what it could all be about. We wonder, casually, if maybe they're Russians who have our accents down really well and are living some strange suburban life to throw every one off. I wonder and wonder and then we get an official letter from the FBI "Thank you for your cooperation your neighbor applied for a job and had to get security clearance."

"Well that's completely boring" I pout.

However, by now Christmas has rolled around and we take the opportunity to walk over some home baked goods and finally introduce ourselves (I mean Brian had nothing to tell the FBI and it seems like we should at least know their names in case the Bureau come calling again). They are so nice and admit they've been meaning to introduce themselves for a good year and just weren't sure how. Simply delightful. Somehow that little meeting blossoms into full fledged friendships. They are some of our closest friends and our kids are together a lot (the way cousins should be). We both sew and the men both game. We eat together and shop together and babysit each other's children. It's a completely blessed arrangement.

So you might be asking what does He do. The one the FBI asked about and my answer to you is... I'm not sure... I think he might still be a spy (a good one). He says he's not but when you ask about his job he's really vague and even his wife is vague. I've been in their basement and the man definitely has super spy computers.

AND, he's not the only one! There is a company here called "The Federal Center" several people we know work there but when you ask what they do all you get is weird answers and vague redirections. Their wives answer you in this funny-our-memories-have-been-altered sort of way. Sure it could be a boring explanation like "we keep track of inventory" or it could be something covert. Who would suspect a city like Battle Creek? Who!!!

So to any one who thinks Michigan is boring I say you aren't really observing or using your imagination. Also if you don't hear from me for a while will someone check and make sure my children are okay since I may be being held in a undisclosed location. I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!............................................................

Why Brian and I should never be Apart.

Brian and I should never be separated. Why you ask? Because when we are apart the piece of the universe that we inhabit is off balance. I never asked for this kind of responsibility and I certainly don't think we are worthy of it, but the fates, it seem, have a different idea.

Let me explain. When Brian leaves, the town we live in is fraught with natural disasters; as in tornadoes and limbs down everywhere and loss of electricity. Or, snow storms, blowing and drifting and loss of electricity. Or flooding and (wait for it) loss of electricity. Because those things are a pain in the rear end they happen to me when he's gone.

However, when I'm gone it's the weird and unusual. Our front yard has been filled with cows because a farmers fence was down. A semi carrying onions over turned and onions were all over everywhere, the FBI came and asked Brian loaded questions about our neighbors (that's a really funny story and if you want to hear more say so in the comments. They're some of our closest friends now), and just recently a woman down the road died a mysterious death. These things happen when Brian is home because they are weird and I love the weird.

He called me while I was at mom's to tell me there were police cars down the street and two news vans. "Of course" I mutter "I'm gone!" As he's talking the headline pops up from the local paper's twitter feed. All it says is: "mysterious death on Hannah Street". Suddenly his facebook and twitter are going nuts with people from the church making sure he's alive. He wanted to not respond and see if anyone would come over I told him that was a bad idea.   Obviously we have not been the cause of these occurrences but they only seem to happen when we're apart.

Coincidence?......

At the very least it is true that my husband and I are a very quirky set. And even if the universe isn't off balance when we're apart I know I am.

A side note to the above story. When I got home yesterday I took the dog for a walk because he needed one and I'd been in the car for nine hours (nine hours with a five and three year old. Who wouldn't need a walk?) Keep in mind I've been walking Ranger about the same route for six years now so I guess people have noticed. One woman came busting out of her house just to stop me because her husband and her had been worried that I was the one who had died. They weren't sure from the picture but I hadn't been walking by all week! I was actually sort of humbled and shocked by their concern. Nothing like a friendly neighbor to make you feel like this is where you belong even with the natural disasters and FBI visits.