These are the things that make me happy; vintage table clothes, and a pie that turned out well.
God has blessed me in immeasurable ways. Maybe the biggest thing, aside from his salvation, is the fact that he has blessed me with a very "quiet" life. I don't mean boring by any means (and I really don't mean quiet most of the time there are two three year olds, a baby and dog running around) I mean there has never been anything so horrific to happen to me, nothing so dramatic that I could not function. I grew up with good parents, got good grades, went to a good college, married a good man and have good children. We make a living, laugh, go on the occasional date and have good health. I am so very thankful for this so incredibly happy with my life and the people in it. I don't want adventure on the high seas, just adventure in the nearby woods. And so it seems God has granted me this very special very rare, in this day and age, life. I still have some unfulfilled dreams, goals that I hope to accomplish in my future but I feel totally at peace with where I am now.
All that being said I experience a very real problem with my prayer life, with asking God for help. Not because I think I can do it all by myself, I do not suffer from that delusion at all, but because I feel that asking for anything beyond what he's blessed me with is selfish. It's hard for me to ask God to please pour out a small miracle and make my baby sleep through the night, even at two am when I am about to throw that cute little angel across the room. How can I ask him for such a thing when there is a mom in a hospital praying that God will heal her dying child? How can I ask for help to loose weight (which is totally my fault any way) when there is someone asking God for just a scrap of bread to eat? So this is my dilemma how to approach the thrown with confidence when all I am asking for is eight hours of uninterrupted sleep?
I am in a women's sunday school class for the first time in my life and it has been incredible. We are using a book by Beth Moore and it has been such a blessing to me. I've always thought stuff geared for women was a little, well fluffy. When I study God I really want to learn about him I want my intelligence stretched not cuddled, and Beth Moore's study is so what I need, so good. She really goes into the Word, but uses what makes us unique as women to take it deeper. In today's lesson she talks about Jairus' daughter and how Christ was on the way to heal her (it was a matter of life and death) when he is interrupted by a woman who is bleeding. She asked me to write in the margin someone who's life was desperate who desperately needed Christ, then later she asked me to list some requests that were close to my heart for me no matter how "silly" they seemed. I want to quote something from today's lesson:
Does He seem to be on His way to another need, one that you perceive may be more important than yours? More a matter of life and death? No problem! Reach out and grab that hem! You are not going unnoticed-not even if He's on His way to raise the dead! (taken from Jesus the One and Only)
After having written my list of requests (one of which was to have conner sleep through the night) to say out loud: "Jesus, you have enough power." It seems so simple so silly but I cried right out with the kids riding bikes in the drive way. I cried because he does have enough power I'm just blown over that he cares enough for those little things, that I matter that much to him.
Thank you Jesus that just because I am doing well (for now and because of you) doesn't mean I don't have your attention. Thank you.